Skin Cancer. Here I go again.
A few weeks ago I had a biopsy taken on my forehead of a mole that had come back from a previously excised mole that was confirmed basal cell carcinoma. Today I got the results, and it is indeed positive once more. I'll have to have it removed again, only this time the margins will have to be much bigger. My options as far as the removal here are limited. I can go to Germany and have a Mohs surgeon remove the mole, have one of the general surgeons here, or wait till April for the plastic surgeon. I don't want to go to Germany. The thing is, this is a reoccurrence, at present, the Mohs surgical removal method is the most effective way to remove all of the cancer cells, but still preserve healthy skin tissue. Yet the thought of going to a base in Germany, stay there a week or possibly more to have the procedure isn't something I'm keen on doing.Sigh.I may wait to decide until I get results for another excision I had on a mole that returned on my back that was very close to the spot I had melanoma in.Wear sunscreen. Trust me. The damage done to my skin occurred in childhood and during my teen years. I stopped attempting to achieve a golden, sun kissed skin when I was 19, and managed to get a sunburn so bad I landed in the ER. Everyday, I have sunscreen on. Every. Single. Day.My skin color is pale. I've learned to love it.
Here I am being all reflective in Crete. Sunscreen 100 SPF on my body, 110 SPF on my face.
If you'd like to check out other posts I've written on my skin cancer experiences, click right here.
Well, I don't have cancer.... Skin Biopsy Results
The results of my biopsy came in last week. I don't have cancer. The cells on my back remain "a-typical" and unchanged since my last biopsy, which means they still need to be closely watched. I've an appointment with a local dermatologist this week to discuss my results. I felt I needed to have someone here who I can go see whenever I needed as opposed to the dermatologist at the base clinic who is here sporadically at best.I know I've been sort of an absentee-blogger for a while now. The last two years I was sort of put off it-or rather felt off my game (if that makes any sense to you), and more recently- in all honesty- I've not felt like blogging...Or even writing for that matter. I've never, not had the desire to write. I think it had a bit to do with a lack of excitement for what I was writing and being a bit over whelemd. Because I've certainly had plenty of ideas and inspiration, I've just not had the desire to put anything down yet.I think I just needed some time to sort of mull things over and to just, well, be. To allow myself time to adjust...to everything. Moving in and of itself is exhausting. Moving to a foreign country quadruples the exhaustion and stress factor. Add in parenting, re-connecting with a spouse you've been away from for two years, and the possibility of skin cancer, well you can see where a girl needed sometime to just reflect and live her life...I've reflected. I've adjusted (as much as one can in a relatively short period of time) and my family is once again a whole unit. I feel incredibly blessed and lost, and found, and very human.I'm ready to share all of that with you.I do promise to start blogging more - with my goal to get back to the days where I'd post something - even if it was just a picture every day.As for my writing, that's also going to get done everyday again. As it should be. It's good for me. I need the creative outlet. It feeds my soul.xo,nicoleP.S.I also have a birthday at the end of this month and this birthday is sort of a "big" one. I feel stupid writing that. Shouldn't every birthday be a big one? I always get a little depressed around my birthday - but I think I've gotten past that this year, or so I hope.Last year my husband promised he'd take me to Venice for my birthday. As it turns out the boys have swim lessons that end on my big three-five, and hotel rooms are 500 and something Euro a night. I'm thinking the day after might be a better deal. Still I can't complain. It is Venice after all!
The Waiting Place
I had my annual skin check earlier this week.
I really wish I could've skipped the entire experience.
I enjoy these exams about as much as going to the dentist or that other annual exam I wish I could ignore.
You know the one ladies, as it also involves one of those crinkly paper hospital gowns--that are about as useful as a flashlight is to a blind man. (God knows they provide about as much warmth as one.) Which of course leaves one freezing, waiting for the doctor, because let's face it, I've never walked into a hospital or doctor's office where the thermostat wasn't set to sub-zero temperatures. Which of course meant that I was all goose-flesh when it came time for my exam.
Thirty minutes later I had a diagnosis of "this mole doesn't look right we should have this biopsied" scenario.
All I could think was, "Here I go again."
I've been cast into that slightly uncomfortable, I just want to have this be over spot, I like to call, The Waiting Place.
Basically, it's Purgatory here on earth.
As I walked to my car despite the overcast day, I could feel the threat of skin cancer blaring down on me like the midday sun.My heart felt heavy, and I'm pretty sure my eyes got all teary as I gave myself just a moment to accept that this is happening again.The mole in question is in the same spot where I had a-typical cells during my last skin cancer biopsy which, I subsequently had removed. So if something's grown back, I mused, It can't be good.To be honest, I'm feeling much more anxious about having to have this biopsy and the results this go-round. All I could keep thinking about where the statistics, as a Melanoma survivor, my risk remains higher I can get it again, which is why I must be diligent about my skin examinations and use of sunscreen, etc.
I'm trying not to think about it. Or talk about it. But it's my skin. It's kind of hard not to think about it when you have no other choice but to live inside of it.
Still...My biopsy isn't for about two weeks, so I'm certainly not going to go around moping or freaking out, because that would do me about as much good as the paper gown did, but until I actually get the results it will be there, lingering in the back of my mind.
If you're new to my blog or would care to read some of my other posts I've written on my experience, thoughts, products I use for my skin, and the topic of skin cancer, Melanoma, in general here are a few:
- Pale Is The New Tan August 2009
- Protecting My Skin July 2010
- To Be or Not To Be Skin Cancer July 2010
- The Waiting is Over July 2010
- Got Wet Skin? Need Sunscreen? No Problem! June 2011
- Melanoma Does Not Discriminate October 2012
The Waiting Is Over - Skin Cancer?
I got the results back from my biopsy last week.It's good news.Not super news. But good nonetheless.I don't have melanoma! (score one for me!)What I do have is a-typical cells, so I go next week to my specialist in D.C. and I'll have them removed completely.I'm glad that it wasn't melanoma again. I'm REALLY glad!I'm not looking forward to having them removed, but it won't be as bad as a melanoma, because a melanoma would mean two more cuts. One to remove the mole for staging and then another that would be cut as broad and as deep as the staging warranted. The last time a mole the size of the fingernail on my pinky required that about two inches around (in the shape of a football) and I dunno how deep had to be cut out of my back. That was after the biopsy and after the removal of the mole. So yes - three cuts in total. All more uncomfortable than the last.This was good news. I am not going to complain.I took the boys to the pool yesterday and I couldn't help but think 5,324,800 times about the sun blazing down on my skin. It's a constant in my life. The love hate relationship I have with the sun. [Insert long, drawn out sigh.] The worry that the melanoma will come back someday is always there. I'm diligent with keeping a watchful eye on my skin, this last go-round proves that. If it does come back...I'll be ready.
To Be or Not to Be Skin Cancer?
Earlier today I had my biopsy done.It's my second go at this so I initially wasn't too nervous. Sitting in a cold waiting room can take its toll on a girl.I kid you not.Normally my doctor sees me pretty fast, but today she must have been running behind because I had to wait for about an hour in the waiting room. Which of course made me very anxious? I snapped pics to try and zone out. Listening to Blue October definitely helped.In the end my doctor removed two samples from two different moles that looked wonky to her. Since I am a melanoma survivor she is sending my samples to a lab that specializes in skin cancer. She and I are most concerned about their location. They are on the same side and in the general area of my back where the last one was. Any weird looking mole on my body is going to be concerning in general however because "once you've had melanoma, there is a chance that it will come back—either near the original tumor or at a different place on the skin", makes us both a little nervous.I'm very lucky to have an awesome doctor. I'm actually very scared about having to go back to seeing the doctors at a military treatment facility (but that is an entirely different post-one I am in no mood to write about now-or anytime in the near future.) If it does turn out to be positive I'll have to go have the actual mole removed for staging. Then that will determine the next step. Depending on how deep it is determines how much surrounding skin is removed. Right now I'm not thinking about that - I'm just waiting for the results.I did come away with five whole stitches and as an added bonus my son thinks I'm "way cool!" He has yet to experience the pleasure known as stitches. He can't wait to get some of his own-preferably from a skateboarding injury.I meanwhile am thanking my lucky stars that he hasn't injured himself in such a way as to necessitate stitches!Now it's just a "wait and see" scenario.In the meantime I'm considering moving to Alaska, the Pacific Northwest, the weather in Seattle is pretty much, rain, rain, and more rain right? Someplace generally un-sunny is exactly what I need. I really want to live in Europe for a bit and up until now had my heart set on either Spain or Italy- but the weather there is generally warm...right? How's the weather in England? Cold, rainy most of the time eh? I dunno. I'll have to do some Googling.Oh...After my appointment I went for a little retail therapy at a few local consignment shops. I scored a vintage Izod jacket and a jewelry box as well as some books. I only paid $20. After I went to CVS and got some new nail polish. (I'll share the colors with you later - but my new favorite is actually a favorite color of mine (see my shirt in this photo for a general idea of the color.) As a little treat I pampered my tootsies and am happy to tell you that they are perfectly prim at the moment. The hubs cooked an amazing lunch (he also vlogged it so you can be sure that will be up soon.)In all my day had some good high points and some serious low points which included a little heartache.I'll deal.Love & Sunblock,nicóleFor more information on melanoma please visit: www.melanoma.com
Protecting My Skin with Nutrogena Sunscreen
Protecting my skin is a major priority for me. Not only because it is the smart thing to do and by doing so I avoid any sun damage that can age my skin, but because in 2006 a mole on my back turned out to be melanoma-the worst kind of skin cancer a person can get. The kind that can spread throughout your body. Let me tell you sitting in my skin cancer specialists' office and having him tell me about survivability rates over a mole on my skin has a weird way of putting things into perspective.I grew up in Miami. I also have extremely fair skin. As a child I practically lived at the beach, and although my mother did a good job of protecting my skin I still managed to get burned. As a teen I can especially remember a few really bad sunburns. Turns out it was more than likely that damage that caused my melanoma.A few weeks ago I discovered another weird mole on my back. I'm going in this Wednesday to have it biopsied. I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't at least a little worried...That is why when I was approached by Neutrogena to test one of their sunscreens (I already use a number of their products including their sunscreens daily) I couldn't pass it up.
For about a month now I've been using Neutrogena UltraSheer® Liquid sunscreen with an SPF of 70 daily. This is my new favorite sunscreen especially for everyday wear. It goes on flawlessly under my makeup (I'm wearing it under my make-up in the photo above) and is not greasy at all. It also doesn't have that very strong "sunscreen" scent that I'm not a particularly big fan of-an added bonus. It comes in a 1.4 oz bottle and should be shaken with each application. It's got a little marble in it so you can hear that it's mixing. The consistency is that of a very liquid lotion and it absorbs quickly into my skin. I use it on my face, neck, and decolletage daily. I've also used it on my arms and shoulders with great results.Each time I've used Neutrogena UltraSheer® Liquid I've put on makeup including foundation and I like that it doesn't make my makeup look funky. It actually acts as a great matte base which is a wonderful bonus especially because I must wear sunscreen everyday.I highly recommend this product because I think its great and I can't stress enough the importance of protecting your skin-regardless of your skin tone.Would you like to review products, too? Then go to http://giantwavepool.com !Disclosure of Material Connection: I received the product mentioned above for free for review purposes from Tidal Labs. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
Wear Sunscreen! Trust Me!
So I came across this video...I'm sure you've heard it, but this is something you can hear over, and over, and it never gets old.The original speech was written in 1997 by Mary Schmich.